24 October 2011

Everything is changing.

Today I realized I had a problem with goodbyes. I should have realized it sooner, because everytime my favorite TV shows end I become borderline crazy. Tears are included, and sleepless nights, and rewatching my favorite episodes with ice cream!!!

I graduated from medical school five months ago, you'd think by now I'm used to the idea that everyone is going different paths. Alas, I am not! It is only now that my friends who are part of the Doctor to the Barrios program are about to be deployed to their respective municipalities that it's finally sinking in.

Tomorrow, several of my friends will be going to far flung places, most of them I have never even heard of. In six weeks, most will be starting residency. I have always known it will happen, but I still find myself struggling to cope. For the past seven years I have always been surrounded by friends, and it's difficult to imagine living without them.

I never actually belonged anywhere in grade school. I was the fat girl who knew all the answers and I was bullied and hated for that. Saying goodbye to that was easy, because I couldn't wait to leave! In high school I fared a little better. I made more friends, although I was wary, and I only considered a few to be close friends. Med school was the first place where I felt like I truly belonged, and my world has since been filled with so many wonderful people.

For the first time in my life, I find myself afraid to be alone. And it's scary in an altogether different way, because I've always considered myself a "walk alone" type of person and I never imagined myself being this dependent on others for happiness.

Feelingera, parang ako yung aalis at pupunta mag-isa sa malayo! Eh sorry, affected talaga. :D

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